8/18/10
Feelings are weight
This phrase has been popping up in my head. Fear/love/hate/guilt/anger/hornyness/jealousy/happiness/sadness etc. they push us one way or another. They are weight. We carry them with us whenever we have them. Because of their weight they have us do things. We are like their puppets whenever we act upon them. It sounds terribly negative at the moment. Guess I'm feeling sort of negative and cynical. In light of recent events. Feelings trick me. They make me act in certain ways. They make me do things. They make me convince myself that this or that is right or wrong. When I like one of them things, I want it to stay. When I don't like one of them, I want it to leave. Some people seem to be good at pushing some feelings away, and keep some. Somehow they can keep happiness and push away sadness. Well I forget them all. Each and everyone of them. Even if I do act upon them. None of them are sacred for me. They are all things that come and go, and I'm not just being zen about it. Maybe I am. I dunno. I'm just kinda ranting mindlessly maybe. Possibly, maybe, probably, somewhat... those are safe words because I know that my feelings transform me constantly and if I were to take each one fully and act on each one I'd be "a million different people from one day to the next" but maybe I am anyway because I do feel them, even if I don't act upon them. And maybe "I can't change my mold."
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there's no 'maybe' when using the metaphor of 'the mold'. you can't change a mold. you keep it or you break it and make a new one.
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ReplyDeleteok... maybe i understand what u mean better now... can a mold not be changed? i guess not, i could agree with that... i dont think i was focusing so much on that though. my thoughts at the moment were of wondering whether my mold itself is to hold change inside it. feelings change all the time. so maybe my mold is to hold changing feelings, and that in itself is something i can't change. that is along the lines of what i was meaning to say. i can't change the fact that i always change. something like that. in that case, my mold is always changing though. maybe my mold is not made of cement but it's flexible and it holds whatever thing gets inside it...
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